Reciprocity ©

 "Focusing on Karma than on the lessons needed to be learned is setting a trap for "what goes around comes around." Never wish for others what you will not wish for yourself. Do to others as you want done to you. That's what love is about!" - Kemi Sogunle

Reciprocity is defined as a situation or relationship in which two people or groups agree to do something similar for each other, to allow each other to have the same rights, etc.: a reciprocal arrangement or relationship.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. Is that really such a hard concept for people to understand? It may be if you don’t know how to treat people or don’t really know how you want people to treat you.

I think people occasionally allow their emotions to cloud their judgment. But let’s be honest. Everyone has been guilty of it.  You are human after all……and that’s ok in your personal life but not ok when it comes to making evaluations and concocting preconceived notions about another individual. In other words, if you don’t like something or someone make sure that it is based in actual fact and not on the opinions of others. There are very few people in this world that I can honestly say that I dislike and for the ones that I do …. best believe that they earned that distinction based solely on their actions and their principals. Nothing more…. nothing less.

Now trust me when I say that people around me do things I don’t like every single day. Nevertheless, I have to remain professional and I still have to honor my obligations.  People in positions of authority should always attempt to lead by example. It is one thing to tell everybody “you’re the boss”, totally another to actually be a boss. Do as I say and not as I do typically only works with children (If even then). That being said, people in positions of authority are naturally held to a much higher standard due to the simple fact that ohhh I don’t know… you’re in a position of authority? I don’t know, I could be wrong here. It definitely would not be the first time. Nonetheless, if you are tasked with leading people no one is expecting you to be perfect. Hell, these days you don’t even have to be qualified. All the same, what you must be is a “people person”. Kinda comes with the territory you know. I mean let’s face it we have all at one point or another in our lives have had to deal with “difficult” people and there is nothing worse in my humble opinion than having to deal with a “difficult” person in a position of authority. One that has no clue of how to be empathetic and who rather have those in their charge fear them rather than respect them. See this sort of leadership works on weak people who have no sense of self. I mean after all no one who loves themselves is going to willingly sign up to be treated in a condescending manner or disrespected. 

But I digress…..

"Grownups know that little things matter … and that relationships are based on respect and reciprocity." — Margaret Carlson

Reciprocity and appreciation aren’t mutually exclusive. 

In my humble opinion, you can’t have one without the other. You see when we appreciate what someone does for us, we are naturally compelled to show our appreciation by returning the favor in kind. Everybody is born with the ability to be kind. It's just a matter of whether or not we choose to act on it. Just remember that everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Sometimes finding your best is helping someone realize a victory that they felt was beyond their reach. Be a blessing to others and the Most High will most assuredly bless you. Now please don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I'm sure someone, somewhere is reading this and thinking that I’m saying that you should always respect something in return when you give someone something (Now how they would think that is a mystery to me). That is absolutely not the case. There will be times you will do something for someone or bless someone in a way that totally improves their quality of life and not get one shred of gratitude or appreciation. Trust me I know. It is at times like this where the motive for your benevolence will determine your reaction to this sort of slight. If your motives are genuine and there was no self-serving purpose behind the act, then just seeing them in a better place will be enough. We have to realize that sometimes it takes people a minute to “get it”. Everyone’s heart and mind doesn’t operate on the same wavelength. I always say that there are two types of people in this world – givers or takers. Givers “get it”. “Takers” do not. I personally believe that it’s all dependent upon an individual’s “Emotional IQ”. 

Over the course of my time on this little blue marble, life has taught me a variety of lessons. Some pleasant, some not so much. One very important and extremely bittersweet lesson that the Most High has taught me is how to gauge an individual’s Emotional IQ. One’s intelligence quotient (IQ) is typically obtained from one of several standardized tests designed to assess human intelligence. IQ scores have been shown to be associated with everything from morbidity and mortality rates, parental social statuses, and, to a substantial degree, biological parental IQ. With that being said, I believe there is something to be said for how a person’s mind and heart interact with one another. I believe the more in tune a person’s heart is with their mind, the higher their Emotional Intelligence Quotient or Emotional IQ. There are several factors that go in to determining and individual’s Emotional IQ. I have listed a few below for you:

• Consistency – How often does this person keep their word without having to be coerced into doing so. Inconsistent or "sometimesy" people tend to have a low Emotional IQ.
• Integrity – How often this person does the “right” thing, even when no one is looking or there is no actual personal benefit in doing so. Some people only do things for others only when there is something in it for them. Selfish people tend to have very low Emotional IQs.
• Dignity – How often a person does something for the sole purpose of getting attention. For some, any attention is good attention. For better or for worse. People who always find themselves in the middle of drama, chaos and confusion tend to have extremely low Emotional IQs.
• Empathy – How in tune an individual is with the feelings and emotions of those around them. How aware of how their actions affect others and just how much that matters to said individual. People with seared consciences tend to have very low Emotional IQs.
• Humility – Kind of speaks for itself but for the uninitiated, how often a person does what’s required and oftentimes what’s not required and never seeks to be placed on a pedestal or seeks accolades for doing so. People with a “Selfless” mindset generally have pretty high Emotional IQs.
• Trustworthiness – Do I really have to explain this one? I guess I better, huh. How often lies or uses underhand tactics and unscrupulous means to obtain what they want regardless of who they hurt or effect in a negative manner. It’s a toss-up with Liars when it comes to just how high their Emotional IQ is. I mean liars understand “the moment”. The good ones know how to dissect the situation to determine the level of the lie they need to tell to get what they need from the situation (Little White Lie vs. the Zero Dark Thirty Lie). In order to this a person definitely has to have a pretty high Emotional IQ (Not that that is a great trait to have….so stop patting yourself on the back if you’re out there constantly deceiving people. If you are this type of person and you are still reading this just know that you haven’t run up on or lied to the right one yet. Karma’s is no joke and is not a respecter of persons.

Now having a low Emotional IQ doesn’t make you a bad person or a lost cause. It just means that people should not expect you to understand or even appreciate what they do for you.

Nevertheless, regardless of a person’s Emotional IQ, we as believers and citizens of humanity are obligated to enlighten and assist whenever possible. People tend to remember what you do a lot longer than what you tell them anyway. However, it is very important to remember people’s problems are theirs to resolve not yours. People with high Emotional IQs tend to take on people’s problems as their own causing them to momentarily lose sight of just how good they actually have it. We must always remember to count our blessings and not our woes or sorrows. Be grateful for the things you have. Someone, somewhere would love to have what you so easily take for granted. What you have now was once among the things that you prayed for. Never forgetting that believers should always operate from a place of benevolence and thanksgiving. Be quick to give if it is within your power to do so. Be quick to express gratitude and appreciation when you are a recipient of kindness… no matter how small the gesture. Lending credence to my earlier statement that reciprocity and appreciation aren’t mutually exclusive. Don’t believe me. You don’t have to. However, I have it on extremely High Authority that this could possibly be the case:

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 (ESV)

Now! 

I want to change gears for a minute.

I have a quite a few female friends.  

Now, I for one do not mind being placed in the friend zone. Trust me it’s a much safer place to be these days. The dating game don’ certainly changed….and it’s a beast let me tell ya. You see I’m from the old school. Unfortunately, it seems that in today’s dating game there is not much room for reciprocity. No, it seems that people out here on today’s dating scene have more of a selfish mentality as opposed to a selfless mentality. Translation: I’m more interested in “me” and what’s important to “me” than what’s best for “us”. Hey…. that’s cool. I absolutely have no problem with that. Just make that clear on the front end and we’re Gucci. I do however have a few tips for those of you who wish to brave the dating scene. Now I’m no expert on relationships. Hell, I’m still trying to figure this ish out myself. But I do know this …. sometimes we get in the way of our own happiness by dragging along past hurts and setting unrealistic expectation on people based on previous relationships which is simply unfair to the person you choose to date exclusively. 

Now for those tips I promised ya: 

• Tip 1: Having a guilty until proven innocent mentality when it comes to dating is not sexy. Either give a brother or sister a clean slate, or don’t date. Period.
• Tip 2: Women need to stop thinking that all men are dogs and don’t know what they are talking about because the man or group of men that they chose to date, deal with, trust, sleep with or have children by disappointed them. There are good men out here, you just have to be willing to let the past go and put yourself in a position mentally, emotionally and physically to receive him when he shows up.

Ah ah ah! Not so fast fellas… You don’t get off that easy.

• Tip 3: The first thing that guys need to understand is that no two women are alike and that a real woman’s primary concern is safety and security. Notice I said real woman…. not a 304.

See the problem with a lot of the cats that I run into is that they’re out here trying treat these females with 304 tendencies like queens. Now, don’t get it twisted. No man wants a prude. For the uninitiated, most men like three things: Food, Sex and Spontaneity.  Specifically, in that order.  The last one (Spontaneity) can occasionally be interchangeable with Money and Love. Notice that love didn’t make the first cut. Hold on…. I’m not saying that men don’t want love, we just take a little longer to warm up to the concept than women do. Primarily, because most men aren’t really in touch with their deepest emotions enough to discern when there has been a shift in their consciousness when it comes to the prospect of loving someone besides family (Maybe not even then).

Now what does all this have to do with reciprocity? 

Why, I’m so glad you asked.

Everything.

Quite simply, if a person is not willing to meet you where you are spiritually, emotionally, physically and I dare say financially then you may want to evaluate if the person you are dealing with understands the Golden Rule or the law of Reciprocity. Relationships are not 50/50. They are 100/100. You only get out of something what you put into it. Again…...not because you are entitled to receive back what you give but because you are obligated to give without the expectation of receiving anything in return. 

Love…. true love is reciprocal in nature. You can’t love someone and intentionally deprive them of what it is they need or want if it’s a reasonable request or necessity. 

Do unto others as you have them do unto you…

Seems like a simple enough concept right? I think so. However, you’d be surprised to what lengths some people will go to avoid honoring their end of the deal. I mean let’s be honest with one another for a second shall we. We all know that one person that can dish out all kind of drama and nonsense but will fall into a state of “victimdom” when their drama and nonsense catches up with them. I always say that it’s all fun and games “poking the bear” until he wakes up and starts tearing up all your ish. Don’t be that guy/gal. It’s not a good look.

"When a man is guided by the principles of reciprocity and consciousness, he is not far from the moral law. Whatever you don't wish for yourself don't do unto others." - Confucius

So in closing, I leave you with this. 

In order to understand the law of Reciprocity or the Golden Rule, a person first has to set boundaries for themselves. Know how much you are willing to give of yourself but make sure that you maintain a healthy standard for your quality of life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking out for yourself. I mean, let’s be real…. you are truly the only one when it’s all said and done that has your best interest at heart. The key is to not give so much of yourself that you end up falling apart. Trust me…been there and done that. Which is why I stress to you the importance of knowing yourself and what you will and will not tolerate. That way once you have laid it all on the line you can absolutely leave what you eventually determine to be a toxic situation with no regrets.

I mean after all; life is all about choices. Our lives are the sum total of the choices we have made over the course of our lives. So when it’s all said and done and the choices made and actions taken are tallied up, do you want to be considered to be a Giver or a Taker? 

I'd venture a guess that if you believe in and abide by the law of reciprocity, that it would be the former rather than the latter.