Boundaries ©
Money can't buy manners or morals.
One of the best lines from one of my favorite movies kind of sums up this moment in history: " There's f*ckery afoot". Sadly, the list of depraved predatory individuals that walk this Earth among us is pretty freaking lengthy . However, 2024 turned out to be the year of FAFO for a lot of those individuals. Chickens most definitely came home to roost. The good brother el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz (formerly known as Malcolm X) reminded us about this long ago and me - being a country boy myself - agree with the good brother's sentiments.
A Karmic Debt rarely goes unpaid.
We as a society have normalized celebrating other people's pain and unfortunate circumstances. That's why there is very little room for empathy now. Empathy is sometimes is mistaken for acquiescence, when it's really just not kicking someone when they’re down. Being a sane and sensible human being is a cold game now. You may f*ck around and get cancelled for feeling sorry for someone. I can empathize with someone without cosigning to their foolishness.
Establishing boundaries for yourself is not for the weak or the faint of heart. As a matter of fact, in most instances your boundaries are going to make some people uncomfortable. The thing is, boundaries are for your protection... they aren't meant to make others comfortable. If someone is turned off by you setting boundaries for yourself, thank them for showing you who they are and help them find their way out of your space...….and triple deadbolt the door behind them.
The worst thing you can do to yourself and your peace is continue resuscitating dead situations. Let the dead rest in peace...…. Especially, if you're the one that killed "it". Sometimes a difficult goodbye is better than allowing someone to comfortably, continuously and consistently disturb your peace. Letting go is definitely hard to do, but sometimes we cause ourselves the most pain trying to hold on to something that the Most High has asked us to let go.
If an individual does not respect you enough to respect the boundaries that you have established for yourself, that is a BRIGHT Red Flag and it may be time to exit stage left. Sister Maya told us what to do when people show you exactly who they really are. Take the hint and extend the Benediction...…. Repeat after me:
"May the Lord Watch, Between me and thee, whilst we're absent from one another, Amen."
Don't be mad, don't be bitter, just be done. Move on with your life. You best believe they have.
Now!
On the topic of respect...….it comes in various forms:
- Effort
- Accountability for ones actions
- Responsibility for ones actions
- Reciprocation
- Being trustworthy
- Being kind
- Being thoughtful
- Being mindful
- Valuing someone's time
- Honoring someone's effort
- Honoring your word
- Being selfless
- Not being judgmental/ Meeting people "where they are"
- Respecting a person's boundaries
There are other ways.
This list certainly isn't all inclusive.
If doing any of the aforementioned things for a person that you claim to love and respect is a chore for you, then you may want to evaluate if you truly care about the person. If you're having a difficult time getting someone that says they care about you to consistently do any of the aforementioned things for you, then you may want to evaluate whether or not the person actually cares about or truly respects you.
However, No one's perfect. Life is fa sho complicated. Priorities shift. Nevertheless, consistency and a sincere effort to make the people you care about feel "seen", safe and appreciated isn't a chore. You should never make someone that makes you a Priority feel like an Option. Having Self-Love and Self-respect for oneself are by-products of establishing healthy and reasonable boundaries.
With that being said, everyone is not going to be happy with your boundary setting. You may lose some folks. That's perfectly normal and should definitely be expected. We're all the villain in someone's story. When necessary play the part. All heroes don't wear capes. If I'm labeled the villain for establishing boundaries to protect my sanity, well-being (Physical and Mental) or my peace, then I'm your comic book nemesis. I'm The Joker to your Batman fa sho. Now, notice I said folks and not friends. Your true friends typically have your best interest at heart and don't mind when their friend sets boundaries to protect their sanity and peace.
“Setting boundaries is an act of self-love.”
– Oprah Winfrey, The Wisdom of Sundays: Life-Changing Insights from Super Soul Conversations (2017)
In today's society, protecting one's peace is an ABSOLUTE necessity. Trying to live virtuously means that you're probably going to live a lonely life, unless you build a sound enough support system. To have a moral standard nowadays means to be ostracized. To be caring and transparent is seen as weak and naïve. To be emotionally intelligent is at times a one way ticket to crushing and disheartening disappointment. Mediocrity is celebrated and ignorance is truly bliss. There is a segment of society that revels in other's pain and discomfort, not understanding that the battles that some people fight sometimes could mean handling them thoughtlessly and carelessly is like throwing gasoline on an already raging fire. The trajectory of a persons day could change in an instant and you being thoughtless could be the difference between you making back to the crib or not. Life comes at you fast. Once upon a time consequences for saying slick shit to someone were pretty clear and concise. Mostly because folks didn't hide behind keyboards and monitors spewing reckless vitriol and nonsense. Conversations were mostly held face to face. You thought twice about saying hurtful and disrespectful stuff to someone because you were unsure of whether or not they had woken up that morning and chose violence.
A lack of accountability is another reason for the uptick in the amount of apathy that exists in today's society. What most people don't understand is that any problem or negative experience that occurs in this life or any issues that we may encounter with anything that enters and exists in our space starts with us. We all have been given the ability discern whether or not a person, place, thing or situation deserves our energy and attention. It's up to us to determine the narrative of our story. Just always remember not to take everything personally. Most of the time "it's" not even about you....whatever 'it" is. Hurt people, hurt people. There a lot of broken spirits in the world now.... Act accordingly. If you continue to handle broken things, you will eventually get cut.
“Boundaries define our limits and protect our inner peace.” – Brené Brown, Rising Strong (2015)
Unapologetically set whatever boundaries you need to protect your Mental Health, your sanity and your peace. The ones that love you, care about you and respect you will understand. Those that don't, well..... they were probably not dealing with you for the right reasons anyway. Sometimes we can get so fixated on maintaining relationships and not losing the people that we love and care about, that we are blinded from the truth of the moment. The truth only harms those content with living a lie. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Intentions matter.
Stop allowing people the benefit of your courtesies and save that energy for those that truly deserve it.
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